Hello friends,

I hope you are are well, crazy to know its more than 12 months since I last blogged! Time passes quickly, just like you I really don’t know how this year has gone by so rapidly.

Most certainly, we over indulge ourselves during this busy period and become fraught with expectations, our anxieties and worries go through the roof, I often forget to rest. But this word R.E.S.T recently sounded loudly in my ears. This was during my attendance at a 10 day silent retreat, to learn a meditation technique known as Vipassana.

Vipassana, means to see things as they really are, it is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by Buddha more than 2500 years ago and taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills. An important part of the teaching is that it is non-sectarian and aimed for the eradication of mental impurities so that mankind can live peacefully.

The concept & the word Vipassana as a seed was planted within me about 11 years ago it was shortly after I completed my yoga teacher training in Bangalore. My teacher asked me to take on private yoga 1:1 sessions at a nearby community. That’s when I met Amrita; a bubbly lively character, who often gave me nuggets of wisdom. Weekly we’d roll out our yoga mats under the balmy palms which gave us the required shade from the glorious Bangalore sunshine. Lucy, Amrita’s four-legged friend often accompanied her. I look back at those days with fondness.

Amrita had told me about Vipassana and how she was drawn to the challenge of living in silence for 10 days. At the time I had dismissed it, as something that didn’t appeal. Today, I thank Amrita for her inspiration and passing on the Vipassana flame.

When I enrolled onto the Vipassana Course, I recalled those days with Amrita and realized that I’d been watering a seed with my consistent meditation practices and discovered my sister and niece had enrolled at a different time & location. I see these as signals quietly coaxing me on my spiritual journey.

The course required an application process. There was a query around my current meditation practices and teachings. The concern was: A) The potential to mix practices B) The requirement of an open mindset to a new teaching.

I implicitly accepted the terms and conditions laid out. The mixing of practices is forbidden as it can cause negative impacts within the system. I was very cautious to follow the technique. As I did hear afterwards, from one person of a negative impact causing headaches and ringing in ears.

It was quite common for applications to be declined particularly from those suffering with trauma or complicated mental health concerns. The courses are very popular and fill up quickly with waiting lists. The courses are run solely by volunteers, it is free including all our meals, accommodation, mentoring and support. In return you are required to abide by the course rules, you can choose to make a monetary donation but really what they hope for is time back from you as a volunteer so that others too can have the same benefits and experience of Vipassana.

I arrived on a dark and very wet October afternoon at the manor house Dhamma Sukhakari – Vipassana Meditation Centre in Suffolk. This was Day 0 of 10. We received a warm welcome with tasty food, and time to acquaint ourselves with the site, each other & unpack. There was an air of enthusiasm and excitement I could see the participants were from a diverse community and much younger than me . It really was quite striking to see, people in their 20’s, 30’s & 40’s. I thought of my younger self, not having the confidence to embark on such a journey.

We were ushered to quieten and given the course instructions and timetable. We handed in our mobile phones, and in exchange we were given a locker key, there I placed my smart watch and valuables. We were asked to vow to the rule of Nobel Silence and live by the Sila rules;

1.To abstain from killing any being
2.To abstain from stealing
3.To abstain from sexual misconduct
4.To abstain from wrong speech
5.To abstain from all intoxicants

The men and women were separated and everything became quiet. We were given our dorm numbers. I was on the bottom bunk, sharing the space with 2 other women, we were not to talk or touch each other or make any eye contact. We all seemed to follow the rules without difficulty although at odd times our eyes connected and we did reciprocate a momentary smile. Human nature I guess!

Later, that evening we were designated our meditation spot which was a foam ground seat. This very spot would be my home for the next 10 days. I was on the back row in the meditation hall, it had a clean plain look, airy and dimly lit. I counted, approximately 100 people neatly seated.

In one corner there was a mound of blankets & foam blocks to use, to help support a seated floor meditation. Over the days the pile became smaller as we all tried different ways for support and comfort, until eventually the mound was no more! The many hours of sitting using the techniques was very demanding on the mind and body. It definitely required a strong will and determination, which came through to us in the teachings.

Some people asked for back rests, best described as a legless wooden floor seat. I noticed they were quite noisy, since the woman in front had one, the wood creaking in sync with her movement.
A chunk of time at first was spent with just trying to get comfortable and this got easier as the days passed. It’s important to note that the course tutor encouraged floor sitting and only with good reason would you be given a back rest. People with disabilities, injuries were able to sit in chairs.

I found that if you were paying attention and being neighborly an unwritten rule applied whilst meditating, that you were being quiet not only for yourself but for the those around you. Any movement was done quietly, the blowing of noses, coughing and sneezing echoed in the hall. I do remember a particular person, who would purposely every so often make the loudest nose blow. I guess it was attention seeking behavior! As a rule for myself I started blowing my nose before I entered for meditation. On a funny note, one time there was a loud fart which echoed around the hall . I wanted to burst out laughing, I tried to contain my laughter but it started hurting my sides and snowballing, I hurriedly left the hall so that I could just get it all out.

On a more serious note, there were a few occasions when the weeping cries of a man echoed throughout the hall, sending a chill down my spine. There was an intensity to the practice that we were learning. The intensity became stronger over the days spending 7-8 hours meditating. As each day passed fewer people were coming into the hall, evidently some guests had left. At no time did I feel I wanted to leave, each day was a blessing to learn. There was support from the course manager for practical help and the meditation teacher for course questions. I asked about the meditation technique a few times. I was also counting the days down and thankful I was feeling ok.

I did have trouble sleeping the first 2 nights, I think it was the intensity of the days. I notified the course manager, it was suggested that I be given a heavier meal as the last meal
at 5 pm was just 2 pieces of fruit with a warm as drink. All the food was vegetarian. I was told that if my sleeplessness continued, I would be required to leave. I noticed a pit in my stomach, that was the last thing I wanted, thinking of all the time and effort put into getting myself there, I really didn’t want it thrown away. Now that I was here I wanted to give it my maximum effort. I did decline the offer of extra food as I didn’t want to be given preferential treatment over my peers. I kept thinking, I must sleep tonight!!! And on cue, that’s exactly what happened!

Our days started at 4 am, there was a wake-up gong, it also called us for breakfast, lunch, tea & meditation. We lived by gong-time. I was often awake before it sounded, my room mates had also set their alarm clocks at 3.55 am. There was no way, we could sleep in with the ringing of alarms & the gonging of the gong!!

The earliest morning meditation was 4.30 am-6.30 am, over the days I found this was the one, I preferred over all the other timings, 7 hours of meditation over the stretch of the day and lights were out by 9.30 pm. The session would begin with a beautiful chant by the renowned Vipassana teacher Mr S N Goenka. The words sang in the ancient language of India, known as Pali. He would often end the session with the words “now that your work is done, go rest… rest… rest.” His appearance was shiny and it was evident he was an enlightened being. We would leave for breaks sometimes just 10 mins returning to start all over again.

In the meditation hall there was no clock and I didn’t have my watch. My meditation sitting time became dependent on my mind and body endurance and the sound of the Goenka’s chants and the gongs. Many times it felt like eternity.There were aches in my shoulders, my right foot would go numb, there was a throbbing in my collar bones, the lower back in agony and in particular excruciating pains felt in my right butt cheek. And yes believe it or not these courses are always full!!!

Goenka’s instructions was to remain objective, to observe the sensations in the body, whether they be pleasant or unpleasant. I have to say I never felt the pleasant ones! The advice was to remain seated but reminded not to torture oneself. There were certain times when we were given permission to meditate in our rooms, I did on occasion take advantage of this but mainly I stayed in the meditation hall. We had rest periods where we could enjoy the outdoors, we were lucky to have so many sunny days and the colors of autumn were vibrant. We would walk within a boundary and pass each other in silence , absorbing the rays of sunshine and observing nature. The silence allowed the mind to settle.

I found myself testing myself to stay seated for longer and longer periods,the Vipassana meditation is a body scan. Starting with top of the head and working through the body, stopping at any sensations and then continuing to move the awareness through to other body parts and then continuing the body scan from the feet to the top of the head and then back again, and continuing the same over and over again, the process/technique is to silence the mind and using the rigor of the body scan. The technique is to eradicate defilement’s of the mind to harmonize it and bring it to equanimity.

I noticed at times how the body became very hot and this too was observed. The words of Goenka was that the sensation will dissolve, that every sensation in time dies. But I found most of the times the sensations were stubborn and lingered. During this process the mind wandered over and over again and my mind did go to very dark thoughts.

When I left Derby my husband was travelling to India and my daughter was home alone, she is an adult now but as parents we seem to have an incessant habit of worry for their safety. Usually I would be tracking my husband’s flight and know that he had safely landed, all the mod cons of technology give us a commentary of whereabouts. I was able to ease my mind about the safety of my husband as he often traveled and knowing that he is a very competent traveler. But for sometime I couldn’t let go of my irrational mind telling me terrible things had happened to my daughter, but with strong will and determination I turned around my irrational thinking to rational thinking. This expansion of awareness was my greatest revelation for silencing the mind.

Over the 10 days, we got into a routine and where we would gather in the foyer of the mediation hall just before 4.30am. The October mornings, were dark, wet, cold and dreary. Often needing our umbrellas with the torrential downpours. I was glad to have brought my raincoat and boots. We gathered in the foyer before the allotted meditation time, it often felt we were waiting to embark on our days work. We were not compelled to remain in the hall we could at any time walk into the beautiful wild gardens within the course boundary,

The instructions for the mediation, was given to us daily and repeated many times in Goenka’s friendly voice which come over the speaker, it became a loving encouraging voice. He often would make fun of himself and joke around and this beautiful enchanting voice would at times send tingles and goosebumps into the system.

On the 10th day it was time for us to speak and be integrated back, it felt spontaneous talking again, those faces so familiar we had so much to ask of each other, names, where from, what do you do, family, the experience etc… It was lovely to see teeth and hear talking & smiling faces. Many I had sat opposite in the canteen, looking into space, not uttering a word and negotiating with the silence.

The first person I spoke to was a young woman who had sat on the left of me during the 10 days . Our eyes met a few times days, but we didn’t speak until the 10th day when our Nobel Silence ended. Alisa told me that it had been her 30th birthday during the discourse, I was astounded and wished her a belated happy birthday, I expressed my thanks to her for being such a peaceful, quiet and calm presence which had helped me in my daily sittings. I told her how I had felt that the silence became golden. She smiled and returned the gratitude towards me saying that she had felt the same. We both hugged one another, breaking our the rule of silence.

Thank you for reading ….and… wishing you a wonderful 2026.